SELF HARM RESOURCES

Telling Someone.

 

Confiding in another person about your self-harm is a major and critical step in the road to recovery.  But, that doesn't mean it isn't a scary thing.  The mere idea of telling someone else about your self-harm can bring up all sorts of anxieties and feelings of guilt, fear, or shame.  Because talking about self-harm can be so difficult and emotional, it can help to think about it ahead of time.

 

If you're thinking about telling someone, but you're not sure yet, it can help to weigh the pros and cons.  

1. What good things might come from telling them?

2. What negative things might come from telling them?

3. What good things might come from NOT telling them?

4. What negative things might come from NOT telling them

(see a sample chart here)

       Look back at your list.  Do some of the questions have more answers than another?  Look at those answers.  Which of the answers seem to be realistic?  Do any of the thoughts look more questionable, and possibly more emotional than rational?  Which of the answers are most imporant to you?

       You still might not be sure what you want to do.  That's okay.  Take time to mull over your choices.  If there is anyone you've already told about your self-harm, you might want to talk to them about telling this new person and see what they think and if they have any advice or support to offer.

 

If you decide you want  to tell them, the next step is often worrying about HOW you want to tell them.  There are many ways you can do this.  Consider:

• When do you want to tell them?  Is there any event coming up that puts a time frame on when your discussion can take place?

• When will you be able to speak with them in private?  Will you have enough time to answer some questions they might have and have at least a small discssion about things?

• Think about yourself and your communication styles.  How can you make this easier on you?  Would it help to write it out?  To memorize a few sentences ahead of time?  To just wing it when the time seems right?

• Often, when someone hears that someone they care about hurts themselves, they can want to know how they can help.  What sort of support are you hoping they can offer you?  It may help to be able to articulate a few ways they could be supportive and helpful to you.

• Sometimes, those we tell don't understand or have some misconceptions about self-harm.  If you are concerned about your ability to articulate answers about self-harm, or you're afraid they won't listen very well, it may help to have a few resources on hand so you can point them towards other places to learn more. 

 

Here are some more resources you might find helpful when preparing to confide in someone about self-harm:

• http://www.pandys.org/articles/disclosingselfinjury.html - an indepth article that mentions a lot of good things to think about and address in this converstaion.

• http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/self-injury/how-do-you-tell-someone-you-self-injure/

• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQW6BNWiEu8 - an interesting video about what might make these chats smoother and easier on both you and the other person.

• Preparing for the response.  What if your parents or doctor respond poorly?  Short youtube video.