SELF HARM RESOURCES

Things to discuss

 

When someone confides in you that they are harming themselves there are a few things you may find helpful to discuss.

 

Check in about their safety

Find out things like:

• "Have you researched how to care for your injuries?"

•  "Do you need any medical attention?"  

• "Do you know where you can go if you ever need medical attention?"  

• "Do you need any First Aid supplies, or do you have enough?"  

• "Do you know how to keep an eye out for, and recognize, infection?"  

Chances are, they may already know all this.  But, by asking you'll demonstrate concern for them as well as find out important information about their safety and make yourself available to them if they need any help or advice about an injury or first aid methods. 

Make sure when you discuss this you respect their privacy.  They may offer up information about their self harm, but it is typically wise to avoid asking questions that involve description or discussion of how they harm, what they use, how many scars/injuries they have, and it's almost always a good idea to NOT ask to see their injuries.

 

Ask if they know why they are harming.

Likely, they will have at least some idea why they harm.  Often times, by the time someone is ready to tell someone else about their self-harm they have it pretty well figured out.  Knowing a bit about what they are struggling with will help you better support them in the future.

 

Inquire about what sort of support and resources they have.  

Do they see a counselor?  Have they reached out to anyone online?  Have they found any coping strategies that help?

 

Ask what ways they'd like you to show your support.

Just because they told you doesn't necessarily mean they are ready to recover.  It also doesn't neccessarily mean they want you to be very involved in their recovery, or to talk about it at all with them.  And just because they've told you DOESN'T mean that you are required to become part of their support system.   

 

If you want to try to support them, you might do something like: 

• helping them get medical treatment physically and/or psychologically

• helping them find resources they can use on their own

• giving hugs and company sometimes when they need it (asking first is usually best)

• talking about things that are going on in their life

• helping them use distractions when triggered

• (and more listed here)

There are many other forms that support can take.  Do note, it RARELY involves taking away their tools, demanding to check their body for injuries, or making them promise not to harm.  These techniques are typically hurtful, unhelpful, and lead to a worsening relationship between you and the person who self-harms.  Those actions are really only a good idea if the person who self-harms comes to you and asks you to do that.